Preparing

for

MARRIAGE

God’s Way

Preparing

for

MARRIAGE

God’s Way

Preparing

for

MARRIAGE

God’s Way

Lesson 7

Communication, God’s Way — Part 2

In Lesson 6 you looked at nonverbal communication and the “circuit jammers” that hurt good communication. This time you’ll look at the flip side — what Scripture says actually helps communication, plus good listening. Talking isn’t the same as communicating: communicating means the message is actually received, understood, and draws you closer together (Ephesians 4:25, 29).

Work through How to Become an Effective Communicator, then the Twelve Practical Suggestions, then the Listening Quotient Inventory, and finish with the Communication Checklist to pull it all together.

This page is only for the person filling it out — your partner will complete their own copy separately.

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How to Become an Effective Communicator

B. What do these verses say helps good communication?

E. List three items under each heading, in order of priority, as you believe your partner would respond. Ask your partner to check your knowledge of them.

Twelve Practical Suggestions for Good Marital Communication

Rate 0 to 4

0 = never, 4 = always.

You and Your Partner

Rate yourself, then rate your partner on the same item.

1. Each must be willing to admit they may be part of the problem

Genesis 3:8–19; Proverbs 20:6

2. Each person must be willing to change

John 5:6; Matthew 5:23–26

3. Avoid emotionally charged words

‘You don’t really love me.’ ‘You always…’ ‘You never do anything right.’ ‘I don’t care.’

4. Be responsible for your own emotions, words, actions, and reactions

Don’t blame them on the other person. Galatians 6:5; James 1:13–15

5. Refrain from having reruns on old arguments

Ephesians 4:26

6. Deal with one problem at a time

Matthew 6:34 principle

7. Deal in the present, not the past

Philippians 3:12–14; Jeremiah 31:34; Isaiah 43:25

8. Major on the positive instead of the negative

Philippians 4:8

9. Learn to communicate in nonverbal ways

Matthew 8:1,2,14,15; Psalm 32:8

10. Express your thoughts and concerns to each other

Listen, understand, and respond to the meaning behind what a person is saying.

11. Practice the golden rule

Matthew 7:12 — do for your mate what you’d like them to do for you.

12. Do good expecting nothing in return

Luke 6:35

Listening Quotient Inventory

Rate 0 to 3

0 = never, 3 = usually.

Be Honest

This is about how you actually listen, not how you wish you did.

1. I realize that listening is an important aspect of ministering to another person.

2. When someone else is speaking to me, I pay close attention and don’t allow my mind to wander.

3. I don’t close my mind to what the other person is saying even if it differs from my own ideas.

4. I don’t stop listening even if they’re saying something I don’t want to hear.

5. People who know me would say I am a good listener.

6. I refrain from judging what the other person has said until I’m sure I understand what they mean.

7. I realize the other person knows what they meant better than I do.

8. I refrain from predicting what the other person is going to say.

9. I refuse to use their talking time to prepare my rebuttal — I focus on understanding, not responding.

10. I’m willing to be rebuked, criticized, or challenged without defending or over-explaining myself.

11. I withhold glib and hasty advice.

12. I refrain from apologizing too quickly just to get the other person to stop talking.

13. I’m slow to correct the other person’s evaluation of an issue.

14. I hesitate to tell the other person how they should or shouldn’t feel about a matter.

15. When someone else has spoken, I can accurately summarize and reflect what was said.

16. When another person is speaking, I refuse to interrupt — I am a patient listener.

17. When someone else is speaking, I listen with my whole being (eyes, ears, body posture, inner and outer man).

What do these verses say about listening, hearing, paying attention, being quiet?

Communication Checklist

Rate 1 to 5

1 = very weak, 5 = excellent.

You and Your Partner

Rate yourself, then rate your partner on the same quality.

1. Does not lie (Ephesians 4:25, Proverbs 12:19)

2. Is not evasive, but willing to share everything (Ephesians 4:25)

3. Never flatters

4. Speaks and does not clam up when under pressure or attack

5. Lets someone know in a controlled way why they’re angry (Ephesians 4:26)

6. If bothered by someone, immediately finds time to discuss it with them

7. Is able to constructively discuss a problem one is angry about

8. Does not say anything in an unloving way to someone who may be wrong

9. Does not say anything in a disrespectful way to someone who may be wrong

10. Does not use God’s name in frustration, bitterness, rage, or irritation (Ephesians 4:29)

11. Does not say things to hurt others or make them feel bad (Ephesians 4:29)

12. Says things in a way that helps the other person see their wrong and gives hope for improvement

13. Only says things that help in a conflict situation, not things that make it worse

14. Always conditions criticism with some note of appreciation for legitimate strengths

15. Does not react emotionally when verbally ignored, attacked, or frustrated (Proverbs 15:1; Ephesians 4:31–32)

16. Acts to diffuse conflict by a kind word or inquiry, in a spirit of reconciliation (Proverbs 15:1)

17. Communicates with God in prayer every day

18. Communicates honestly with God

19. Shares significant events and concerns each day with their partner

20. Desires to pray each day with their partner about common concerns and praises

21. Spends time with God, focusing on listening to His Word

22. Able to speak God’s Word in a way that produces encouragement, hope, and strength (Isaiah 50:4; Proverbs 12:18, 25)

23. Thinks carefully before speaking in tense situations (Proverbs 15:28; 16:23; 29:20)

24. Is able to diffuse an argument by graciously dropping a matter when it’s producing a quarrel (Proverbs 17:14)

25. Does not answer harshly to those over whom they have power (Proverbs 18:23)

26. Able and willing to draw out the feelings and thoughts of others close to them (Proverbs 20:5; 1 Peter 3:7)

27. Only speaks when well informed or knowledgeable about what should be said (Proverbs 20:15; 18:2)

28. Does not speak about people in a way that betrays confidence or belittles them before others (Proverbs 25:9; 11:13; 17:9; 18:8; 26:22)

29. Able to rebuke others when needed (Proverbs 25:12; Romans 15:14)

30. Able and willing to communicate the gospel or other Scripture as needed (Proverbs 31:26)

31. Speaks respectfully about and to those in authority (Romans 13:7)

32. Conversations often include words of delight and appreciation for their partner

33. Listens carefully and attentively when rebuked or criticized (Proverbs 15:5; 18:13)

34. Keeps verbal promises (Proverbs 20:25; 26:18–19)

35. Knows when and how to bring up a disagreement without a contentious spirit (Proverbs 25:24; 26:21)

36. Usually speaks in a way that others respect (Proverbs 28:2)

37. Is never afraid to speak up to those who disagree, and to take a stand when important issues are at stake

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