Preparing

for

MARRIAGE

God’s Way

Preparing

for

MARRIAGE

God’s Way

Preparing

for

MARRIAGE

God’s Way

Lesson 6

Communication, God’s Way — Part 1

God cares deeply about how you communicate with each other — He’s grieved when there’s a breakdown in this area (Ephesians 4:29–30). Your communication is really the life blood of your relationship: when it’s flowing well, the whole relationship thrives; when something interferes with it, the whole relationship feels it.

Communication is important and complex enough that it gets two full sessions in this course. In this one, you’ll evaluate your communication system, do a practical exercise on nonverbal communication, and work through what it takes to become an effective communicator. Do each part individually first, then come together to discuss.

This page is only for the person filling it out — your partner will complete their own copy separately.

Communication Quality/Quantity Inventory

For each topic below, rate the quality of your communication (Excellent to Poor) and the quantity (Too Much to Nonexistent).

1. Spiritual issues, church, Christian service, devotions

2. Facts, information

3. Ideas, opinions, judgements

4. Desires, concerns, interests

5. Feelings, emotions

6. Plans, goals, purposes

7. Expectations, aspirations

8. Finances

9. Work or school

10. Family matters, parenting

11. Dreams

12. Sex

13. Friends

14. Recreation, sports

15. Problems, failures, defeats

16. Joys, victories, successes

17. Current events

18. What you read, study

19. TV or movies

Practical Exercise for Nonverbal Communication

Look up each passage below and write down what it indicates about nonverbal communication.

In-Person Exercise (do this together, not here)

With your partner, practice communicating at least six of the following, nonverbally only — no words. Let the other person guess, and keep track of how many times you read each other correctly: Love, Happiness, Peace, Uneasiness, Fear, Sadness, Indifference, Apathy, Anxiety, Disinterest, Hurt, Confidence, Anger, Sexual Interest, Frustration, Irritation, Discouragement, Unbelief, Doubt, Humility, Guilt, Cautiousness, Trust, Pride.

How to Become an Effective Communicator

A. What Happens When Communication Breaks Down

Think of illustrations from your own experience, from others, or from the Bible: issues remain unclarified (Proverbs 18:17); wrong ideas go uncorrected; conflicts stay unresolved; confusion and disorder develop; wise decisions are thwarted; deep unity and closeness are hindered; interpersonal problems intensify; boredom and frustration grow; spiritual growth is impeded; relationships drift apart; suspicion is nurtured; understanding each other deeply is prevented.

B. The Many Ways We Communicate

Visually (a wink, staring); verbally (what you say or don’t, and how); notes or letters; facial expressions; body language (hands, feet, rigidity); your presence or absence; touch; helping or not helping; giving or withholding a gift; willingness or unwillingness to share; listening carefully or refusing to; seeking and accepting advice, or doing the opposite.

C. Levels of Communication

Rate 0 to 2

0 = inadequate, 1 = adequate, 2 = very good (just right).

You and Your Partner

Give at least one example of each level, then rate yourself and your partner.

1. Cliché level

“Hello, how are you?” “Nice day, isn’t it?”

2. Sharing facts or information

About work, people, news events, your reading, etc.

3. Sharing ideas, opinions, thoughts, plans, and judgments

“I like…” “I don’t like…” “I think…” “I want to…”

4. Sharing feelings or emotions

“I am really sad about…” “Right now I am discouraged / happy…”

5. Asking questions, exploring, or interviewing

“What do you think about…” “What has the Lord been teaching you?”

6. Making suggestions

“Perhaps it would be a good idea to…”

7. Giving support, appreciation, affirmation, comfort, or encouragement

“I believe you can do it.” “I’m praying for you.”

8. Giving instruction or direction

“The Bible teaches…” “You should…”

9. Admonishing, correcting, confronting

“Here’s an area you’re neglecting…”

10. Acknowledging sins and failures

“Please forgive me. What I did was wrong.”

11. Talking over plans and decisions

12. Making plans and decisions mutually

13. Discussing problems, disagreements, controversial issues

14. Praying together

15. Discussing Scripture, spiritual issues

16. Sharing the Gospel, the way God has and is blessing you

17. Giving praise to God

“Circuit Jammers” — Hindrances to Good Communication

For each verse, note what it warns against, then rate yourself and your partner honestly.

Rate 0 to 4

0 = always do this, 4 = never do this — higher is better here.

You and Your Partner

Be honest with both ratings; this is for growth, not grading.

1. Ephesians 4:25

2. Ephesians 4:29

3. Ephesians 4:31

4. Colossians 3:8

5. Colossians 3:9

6. Proverbs 11:12

7. Proverbs 11:13

8. Proverbs 12:16

9. Proverbs 12:18

10. Proverbs 15:1

11. Proverbs 15:5

12. Proverbs 16:27

13. Proverbs 17:9

14. Proverbs 18:2

15. Proverbs 18:6

16. Proverbs 18:8

17. Proverbs 18:13

18. Proverbs 18:17

19. Proverbs 18:23

20. Proverbs 19:1

21. Proverbs 19:5

22. Proverbs 20:19

23. Proverbs 20:25

24. Proverbs 25:24

25. Proverbs 26:18–19

26. Proverbs 26:20–21

27. Proverbs 26:22

28. Proverbs 27:2

29. Proverbs 29:20

Recognize These?

‘You make me sick.’ ‘I hope you get what you deserve.’ ‘If you don’t like it, you can lump it.’ ‘You never do a good job at anything.’ ‘I don’t really care what you think.’ ‘You’re going to be sorry.’ ‘Why don’t you just shut up!’ ‘This time I’m going to get even.’ ‘Drop dead!’ ‘Just be quiet and let me tell you what you should do.’ ‘I’ve talked to you about this a million times.’ ‘Here we go again!’ ‘It’s all your fault.’ ‘You’re never satisfied.’ ‘So I lied, don’t make such a big deal out of it.’ ‘Anybody knows I was only kidding — you just take things too seriously.’ — and more like them.

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